How Little Boys Get A Bad Rap

Posted by Lara in Moms & Dads & Babies | 2 comments

This week for this first time, I realized how quickly people are to place blame on little boys and classify them as “bad”, “naughty”,” aggressive”, etc.  Here is what I witnessed.  My son C2 – newly turned 3 years old – and his little girl friend were playing around; they are always so excited to see one another. His little friend kept pulling at C2 shirt collar and pushing him to get his attention and C2 repeating asked her to stop. She persisted and finally C2 hit her.  At that moment, the teacher scolded C2 for pushing his little friend. Now, I do agree his behavior needed correcting and hitting wasn’t warranted, but what I do not agree with is that the little girl received no correction and/or direction from the teacher.   The teacher and I watched the entire scenario unfold and of course, I did correct C2 as soon as I saw him hit his little friend, but I was stunned by how the teacher reacted.  She physically gasped at C2 and made an ugly, disgusted face before correcting him, when she clearly could have stepped in and told the little girl that C2 asked her to stop.  C2 friend’s mom did correct her and both C2 and his little friend said their apologies, hugged and ran off to play. And at that very moment, I finally got it; this is how little boys get such a bad rap.

As a parent, my job is to help C2 learn how to cope and find other ways handle his emotions. But, my job also is to protect my children until they can protect themselves. Prior to having a son, I really never gave credence to how little boys are treated or perceived in school or extracurricular activities by female authority figures.  As a mom whose son starts preschool next year this makes me nervous; boys, including my son, might be falsely classified as “bad” or have behavioral problems because they do not handle themselves like girls.   Currently, elementary school teachers are overwhelmingly female, 76% to be exact.  Even though they think their teaching accommodates all student; it is still hard not to lean the way one is most comfortable.  Yes, I do appreciate a teachers job is difficult and I respect the service they provide.  I am sure in the past; I am guilty for having similar reactions as C2 teacher did. My hope is that everyone, especially women (including myself); consciously recognize boys are different from girls.

Girls innately can sit still and generally tend to be more quite. Boys need constant movement and are generally louder.  Sitting still and being quite in class is one of the measurements how traditional schools judge whether your child is “good” or “bad” and unfortunately for boys this criterion is more geared towards girls.  According to kindergarten teach Jane Katch, she has been teaching young boys for more than 25 years and she doesn’t see that their activity levels have changed, but our expectations for how long they have to sit still have dramatically increased.

Furthermore, Michael Thompson, Ph.D., co-author, Raising Cain says, “For the average boy, school is not as good a fit as it is for the average girl. More boys have problems with attention and focus than girls. Because of their higher activity level, boys are likely to get into more trouble than girls. And they are not given enough opportunities to move around — both in actual physical activity and in how they learn — because they spend too much time sitting and not enough time learning by doing, making and building things.”  And elementary schools all across the US are cutting out recess… How are kids supposed to get rid of their excess energy?

My son is a very active 3 yrs old boy and I have learned in the past three years that my son can concentrate better after getting his energy out. He learns best when physical activity or movement is allowed.

Thomas Matlack captured my thoughts perfectly, “Jumping up and down with six-inch vertical leaps is the natural state of being and is good. Slumped shoulders are bad. Yelling is good. Quiet needs attention.”